Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk

I can't bear the thought of Christmas without my husband

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 08 December 2016
Dear Patricia Marie, 

I can't bear the thought of Christmas without my beloved husband, who died three months ago. Although I will be spending time with my son and his family at their home, I am going to be missing my husband so very much. 

What is the point of my life without him?  How do I even start to get on with my life now he is gone?

Patricia Marie says...

Dealing with the death of a loved one is an extremely difficult and traumatic experience, and the pain is significantly heightened at this time of year when others are joyously celebrating the festivities. It's not going to be easy this very first Christmas without your husband, but instead of focusing on life without him, perhaps allow yourself some time to remember the special times you enjoyed with him. I often suggest to those grieving to perhaps light a candle in memory of their loved ones, which can allow much comfort when one is feeling sad. When you visit your son this Christmas, take a photograph of your husband with you, and keep it nearby, so you are able to feel his presence, and as difficult as it may seem, ensure you open up to your family, as they care for you and will be conscious of your loss. At times you may feel overcome by emotion, but this is perfectly natural. Starting to address your grief, often through tears, does provide relief, and promote healing.   

Cruse Bereavement Care offer professional help and support, including group counselling which I feel could be particularly beneficial, allowing you to see that if others can make it through their losses, than so can you. Learning coping techniques may give you hope for the future, and, even better, supportive friendships could be forged, through experiences shared within the group.

At this moment you are clearly suffering, but you don't have to hurt forever or manage this alone. Be compassionate with yourself as you work to relinquish old routines and establish new ones. Life without your husband will inevitably be different, but, given time, you will hopefully soon realise your life is still very much worth living, and certainly not over.  

I recommend ‘Death And How To Survive It’ by Kate Boydell, a unique, practical and uplifting guide to coming to terms with the loss of a partner.   

Cruse Bereavement Care: www.cruse.org.uk/  Tel: 0844 477 9400 




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