Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk

I want children but my partner doesn't

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 15 January 2015
Hello Patricia Marie,

I am very happy in my relationship with my partner, but we have a problem. When we met we both agreed we never wanted children, and that was fine, but I have changed my mind and desperately do want a child. My partner is adamant that he does not, and is understandably unsettled by my change of heart.

What can I do?

Patricia Marie says.....

The problem is you have changed your mind but your partner hasn't. You need to tell your partner how much you want children. Don't try to pressure him, but gently ask why he doesn't want them. He may bring up some interesting points that you may not have considered and could understand better after hearing what he has to say. If he remains adamant that he does not want children, then you have a decision to make.

What has made you change your mind, can you ask yourself what is it about motherhood that appeals to you, and are there ways that you can accomplish that without having children of your own? For instance, do you have nieces and nephews you could enjoy spending time with? For many childless couples they can fill an empty void, bringing the greatest pleasure to their aunts and uncles.

Nevertheless, if you give up your desire for children you could end up resenting your partner and regretting that decision deeply. Also, most importantly, do you value having babies more than you value your future with your partner? If the answer is yes, sadly, you have to ask yourself, would it be better to end the relationship, and in time find someone you love who does want children. Before making a life-changing decision, you may both benefit from contacting Relate, www.relate.org.uk for some counselling.
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