Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk

My heart is broken. How can I trust another man?

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 02 April 2015
Dear Patricia Marie,
I am 60, and have recently split from my boyfriend of 3 years. We had a fabulous relationship, or so I thought, until I found out he had been cheating on me with two other women. He hasn't denied it, and says he doesn't know what he wants anymore, and is moving miles away to start a new life on his own. Whether this is true or not makes no difference, he doesn't want to be with me.

What makes it so upsetting, is I believed him when he said he loved me. I am extremely intelligent and never had any reason to doubt he was anything but faithful. Our sex life was fantastic, and we had so much in common. To say I feel empty is an understatement, as I know I will never meet anyone like him again. In fact, I don't think I could ever trust another man again. My heart is broken, and I don't know what to do.

Patricia Marie says.....

There is nothing worse than a broken heart, and it's not surprising your scared of falling in love again after such a painful experience. You loved your boyfriend, therefore the intimacy you shared was particularly meaningful to you. For him, the attention of three women more than likely made him feel powerful and desirable.

Yet the reality is he is nothing more than a Casanova who is not to be trusted, and simply doesn't deserve you. When we fall in love we can never be certain that person won't hurt us, because the very act of falling in love makes us vulnerable.

The alternative is to be alone - which I feel in your case would be such a waste, as you are clearly a person who demonstrates warmth and passion, which others could benefit from. Don't let your ex's untrustworthiness jeopardise your future happiness.

It is a natural instinct if you have been hurt to put barriers around you and not allow yourself to trust, but if you do that, you could miss out on the joy of spending a lifetime with someone lovely and worthy of you. Ensure you surround yourself with friends that you can trust and depend on to get you through this bad time, and hopefully in time your heart will begin to heal.

For a comfort therapeutic read, I recommend: 'I Can Mend Your Broken Heart' by Paul McKenna.
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