Agony Aunt

Patricia Marie, MBACP qualified counsellor is a member of The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, practising in Harley Street, Essex and Scotland. She has many years experience of dealing with domestic violence, relationship problems, bereavement, depression, addictions, post traumatic stress and many other emotional issues. If you have a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk

Newly widowed

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 28 May 2015
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am newly widowed and feel completely and utterly bereft. I had the most loving husband for over 35 years, and feel I cannot continue to go on without him by my side.

I have a loving and supportive family, but miss the company and love of my husband. I was lucky to have a good, kind and doting man, which makes his loss even harder to come to terms with.

I have had counselling which has helped a little, but nevertheless, can't help feeling my life is over.

How can I cope with such dreadful heartache?

Patricia Marie says.....

You have lost the physical presence of your beloved husband, and the actual loving space he filled within your world is now an intolerable emptiness. I feel depths of sympathy for your grief. I believe we go on living for the sake of our beloved dead, experiencing each moment for them, and with them. If only you were to embrace your husband's spirit which lives on beside you in your every living moment, this would provide great comfort.

You experienced love in a way not many people do, yet the downside of loving so intensely is that the pain is so much more acute, simply because you have lost the love of your life. In the midst of the darkness, it can be almost impossible to believe one can get over such grief, but I want to encourage you to hold on to hope. Celebrate all you had with your husband and keep your precious memories alive. At this moment, life must seem rather grey, but if you look for the colour, it will gradually return. Continue with your personal counselling, and for additional support, do contact Cruse Bereavement Counselling, who offer excellent help and support for those suffering from grief. Alongside the love of your family, hopefully, you will begin to feel better, and start to see your life as being different - not over.

I recommend 'After You' by Maryalicia Post. This memoir is about one women's emotional journey through loss, healing, and happiness after losing her husband of 30 years.

Cruse: 0844 477 9400 www.cruse.org.uk
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