Dear Patricia Marie,
My son left his ex-wife and two children and is now living with someone else. They have a new baby. My son has told me in no uncertain terms not to tell his ex-wife that he has another child, but I have been invited to the Christening of his daughter by his ex-wife and I feel that she should know - and that the children will be related.
She too has a new partner, and I feel sure she would be accepting of this news. Thankfully we have a good relationship, which I work hard to maintain as I would not want anything to jeopardise me seeing my grandchildren, but if I kept this secret from her, and she found out, she would be very upset.
My son said it is up to him to tell her. I can't envisage enjoying the Christening as I am the mother of the man who left them, so would it be right for me to accept the invitation?
Patricia Marie says...
It is your son's responsibility to tell his ex-wife that he has another child. It will come out at some stage and the more he delays it, the more difficult it will be. The children should know about the new baby - and perhaps hopefully get to enjoy a relationship with their new sibling. If this baby is kept a secret and they find out one day, that could be quite traumatic; they could be upset or angry with their father, and if it were to remain undisclosed for too long, they may never forgive him.
When he tells his children, to avoid them feeling rejected in any way, he must reassure them how much he loves them and that he will see them just as often. Whilst this is not an easy situation, it can be made tolerable if dealt with in a civilised manner.
Explain to your son that if you have to keep it a secret, it could damage your relationship with his ex-wife and your grandchildren when she finds out. If he absolutely refuses and his ex-wife does discover the truth, insist you were put in an awkward situation and that you had asked your son to tell her himself or to let you do it instead.
You are very worthy of the invitation, so go along, hold your head high, and enjoy your granddaughter's very special Christening Day.
by Katrina Schollenberger
On a sunny (but very chilly) Tuesday morning, I headed to Soho to the Ham Yard Hotel roof terrace for the launch of Benadryl's new 'Allergy Face' campaign. I was met with a wonderful continental breakfast, blue skies and a gorgeous garden. There were a few of us gathered to discuss how to tackle 'Allergy Face'- a coined termed by Benadryl to describe the visible symptoms of hay fever.
Nearly 18 million people in the UK suffer from hay fever, and almost all (95%) of woman with these allergies experience beauty challenges when their symptoms flare. This includes a red, flaky runny nose from tissue overuse, dry skin, puffy face, and watery eyes. Unfortunately, this can effect women's self-esteem, where half of women feel self-conscious and 17% feel less sexy. Benadryl had invited Dr Roger Henderson to talk us through tackling hay fever season, and makeup artist Jo Freeman gave us tips and tricks to combat Allergy Face. As a hay fever sufferer myself, I was ready, willing and eager to get involved in the discussion.
Hay fever develops in the vast majority of sufferers before the age of 20, and symptoms (for medical reasons unknown) are worse under the age of 30. Hay fever is also worse for those living in the city, due to the pollution and pollen mixture. Each of these stats reflect my current living situation, meaning my hay fever is bound to be worse. Luckily, with a model on hand, Jo Freeman talked us through a step-by-step tutorial on how to utilise makeup products in the wake of allergy symptoms. See Jo's top tips below:
"1. Make sure you prep your skin with a hydrating moisturiser before applying any make-up, Neutrogena Hydro Boost is great, so apply that first.
2. To neutralise any redness around your nose, use a green colour corrector before applying your foundation.
3. To widen and brighten watery eyes, use a white kohl eye pencil along the lower waterline and inner crease to make your eyes look bigger, fresher and more awake.
4. To help your eyes look fresh and natural despite your allergies, use a matte vanilla eyeshadow shade all over the lid, and a darker beige in the corner.
5. If you think your eyes could start streaming, use a good waterproof mascara, as this will stop your make-up from running down your face and giving you dark smudges under your eyes.
6. Combat puffy face by contouring with a bronzer and highlighter. Apply bronzer to the hollows of the cheek and temples, and use highlighter on the cheekbones and down the bridge of the nose to help disguise any puffiness.
7. A bright statement lip can help make your lips the focus of your face, taking attention away from puffy areas. Choose a vibrant colour that suits your skin tone."
Benadryl has teamed up with make-up artist Jo Freeman to give her top tips on how to combat Allergy Face. Benadryl has coined the term "Allergy Face" to describe the visible symptoms of allergies such as watery eyes, red nose and puffy face. For more information on allergies, visit www.benadryl.co.uk. If you wish to include any hashtags please use #allergyface and #benadryl
Dear Patricia Marie,
I have been having an affair with my best friend's husband since January and want to end it because I feel guilty, but I have fallen in love with him and can't give him up easily. He says he is just waiting for the right time to tell his wife about us then he will leave her.
He insists he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I have been on my own for over a year now and the three of us often go out and I have to pretend nothing is going on. I don't know if I should just carry on with the affair until my lover is ready to tell his wife, or do I tell her everything and risk losing our friendship?
Patricia Marie says...
Women tend to believe they are in love when they have an affair. Men can be more opportunistic, but women need to feel more emotionally engaged - and that can be fatal. You say this man is your soul mate, but the reality is what sort of man has an affair with his wife's best friend? If he means what he says about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, why have you not already ran off into the sunset together? Many mistresses wait forever for their lovers to leave their wives, and when forever never comes, they are left heartbroken.
How do you know you are not just a bit of escapism for him - just a bit of fun. It may not be the first time he's had an affair and promised his mistress the world.
If your friend did find out about the affair, there's every chance your lover would go running back to his wife, and you'd be left with nothing. I urge you to find the strength to end this relationship before this situation becomes destructive. Consider shifting your energy into finding your very own man, rather than waste your time on somebody else's. We can't help who we fall in love with, but everyone is worth more than being someone's mistress.
However, if the two of you are genuinely in love, then he should do the decent thing and tell his wife, who deserves to know her husband has cheated on her and her best friend has betrayed her.
And you need to be sure he's worth it because you are set to lose your best friend forever.