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My daughter refuses to speak to me

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 22 September 2017
Dear Patricia Marie,

I have one daughter aged 16. Her father left us when she was a baby, and we were on our own until I met my present partner 2 years ago. She used to be the most adorable daughter, and it was wonderful to see how well my partner and her got on. In fact, everything was perfect until just recently, when we told her we were expecting a baby of our own.

Since then she refuses to speak to us, slams doors and is rude to us. We have tried to reassure her that having this baby won't make any difference in her life or between us, but any mention of the baby and she either becomes angry or bursts into tears. I have tried to be patient, but she has turned into a nightmare child and spoiling what should be one of the happiest times of our lives. Please advise.

Patricia Marie says...

I can understand how worried and upset you are feeling. As you say, this should be a 'happy' time for you. At the moment you are seeing your daughter's behaviour as unreasonable and unfair. Nevertheless, labelling her doesn't help. Understanding her feelings can. Step into your daughter's shoes and start to see things from her point of view. After all, having a baby may be exciting and wonderful for you and your partner, but your daughter perceives this news as a threat to her place in the family. Of course she's unhappy. For 16 years she has been the number one in your life. She's scared she's no longer important, and is understandably feeling rejected, hurt and unsettled too.

Recognise the confusion and pain your daughter is feeling. What she needs is plenty of love and understanding. Don't pressure her to be more accepting of the news, or make her feel guilty about not having a happy response. Instead, give her time and space to get used to the idea. Perhaps she would like to help decorate the nursery. Ask her opinion on name choices. Involving your daughter in plans around the forthcoming birth will make her feel very much included, and will also help her to come to terms with your pregnancy.
Be honest and tell her things will be different, but the love you have for her will never change. As your daughter gets used to the idea of having a sister or brother she may become far less angry and anxious. Gently explain to her that although the baby will initially demand your attention, you will also ensure the two of you get to enjoy special time together. When she trusts the fact she's still loved and wanted, she will soon grow to accept and adore her new sibling, and in time you can all get to enjoy the special times that lie ahead.

For further help, advice and guidance, I highly recommend Family Lives (formerly Parent Line Plus) There help line is open 24 hours. 0808 800 2222 familylives.org.uk/
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Doggy Afternoon Tea at Egerton House Hotel

Posted by Young Ladies About Town
Young Ladies About Town
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on Thursday, 21 September 2017
by Annette Kellow

If you are anything like me, you try to include your dog in almost everything. This includes shopping, visiting friends, holidays and spontaneous beach trips. In fact in Britain we are so dedicated to our dogs that a whopping 74% of us will take our beloveds away with us on trips, holidays and excursions.

So imagine my delight on discovering Egerton House Hotel, a 5 star hotel designed with traditional style and elegance, which welcomes our four legged friends and serves a special doggy afternoon tea!

Set on a quiet tree-lined street in Knightsbridge overlooking peaceful gardens, it is the perfect home away from home, whilst being set on the doorstep of vibrant central London.
My friend Betsy arrived with her dachshund Frieda, whom my Yorkie dog Dorothy instantly covered in wet-nosed kisses. We were then introduced to a very smart looking red menu- but not just any menu, the dogs menu!

Inside the treats included bowl licking chicken, biscuits and doggy icecream as a three part meal – they even had their own water bowl, doggy mat and squeaky duck toy laid out.
This was all served in a tier of bright doggy bowls, which the dogs instantly began devouring!

annette

Now that the dogs were fully occupied we received our own 'human' menu. A traditional English afternoon tea was served with cucumber sandwiches, salmon, coronation chicken, scones, lemon drizzle cake, Victoria sponge, Bakewell tart and Champagne! Wow! On seeing our chintz china and tea time delights we knew we were being utterly spoilt!

As the dogs were so intent on eating and playing they seemed to have forgotten all about us humans so we settled down to a lovely long chat with some deliciously fragrant tea, of which I picked my favourite Rose. The tea room itself has a very relaxing ambience with chic and luxurious décor, perfect to while away the afternoon in a quiet place but still in the hub of London. I also spied a few vintage and antique items giving it the perfect mix of style, glamour and elegance.

Indeed our waitress, Tunde, also loves to do photography and happily took our photos which the dogs couldn't concentrate on for more than two seconds with their food and toys taking up most of their attention!

I was also intrigued to be told by the waitress that the owner, Beatrice Tollman, adores dogs. She is a fan of dachshunds and passionate about hotels which is how the Red Carnation Hotels came to life with her husband Stanley Tollman. And life it most certainly is, with a warm friendly atmosphere and the most impeccable staff one could ever meet.

Egerton House Hotel, we will be back- and with our dogs too!
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My 21 year old son has just announced that he is gay

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 15 September 2017
Dear Patricia Marie,

My 21 year old son has just announced to my husband and I that he is gay. I am totally shocked, devastated and completely unable to cope with this revelation. I still love him, but am disgusted by his behaviour.

He wants us to meet his boyfriend, but I have said absolutely not. I believe he thinks it's fashionable to be gay, but I am horrified. He has had a few girlfriends in the past, but nothing serious. Now I'm thinking this was all a disguise to shield us from the truth. My husband is putting on a brave face, but is distraught. We had presumed in the not too distant future our son would marry, and we would one day be grandparents, but I feel I have now lost my son.

My world has been shattered and I don't know what to do. Please help.

Patricia Marie says...

For any parent, finding out their child is gay can come as a shock, and facing up to this news can be difficult and painful, but in your case, if you are unable to alter your way of thinking, then you could indeed risk losing your son. He has finally taken the enormous step to trust and 'come out' to you both, only to be rebuffed. Have you considered how he is feeling? Being gay is not a choice. What your son needs from you now is simple acceptance, not to be made to feel guilty. Perhaps the first step in acknowledging this would be to welcome his boyfriend into your home. Many parents who have been in your situation find that, once they come to terms with their child's sexuality, the relationship between them deepens, and please stop worrying what others think; true friends will be supportive of you, and most importantly should accept your son for who he is.

Try to gain a sense of perspective – at present all you have lost is your own idea of how life should be. Your son hasn't changed. He's still the same person he was yesterday. Who's to say your son won't have a family and provide you with grandchildren in the future? Don't let him down at the time he needs you most, but instead show him the unconditional love every child deserves. The important factor in any relationship is not the gender to whom people are attracted - more that they love, respect, and treat one another with kindness.

Contact Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG), who are brilliant at supporting parents when their children come out - and after. They would understand the very complex, raw, and totally understandable emotions that are enveloping your family at present. I also recommend: Always My Child by Kevin Jennings; this great read provides the insights and practical strategies parents need to support their children and cope themselves, having established their child is gay.

Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays: fflag.org.uk/0845 652 0311  
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My friend doesn't support me

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 08 September 2017
Dear Patricia Marie,

I've had this friend for years - since we were at college together. And I always thought we'd be there for each other through thick and thin. Three years ago, she went through a terribly messy divorce and I supported her. Then, last year I found out my husband had been cheating on me, and after trying to work through it naturally, I went to my friend for sympathy. But she turned on me, telling me I was dragging her down and asking too much of her. We're still friends, but the closeness has completely gone. Was I wrong to have expected more from her?

Patricia Marie says...

You weren't wrong to expect more from your friend at all, but you may have to accept that she wasn't necessarily rejecting you when she let you down. Sometimes people can't be how we would like them to be, or act in the way we'd prefer them to. For you, it hurts because it feels personal, almost as if your friend decided you didn't deserve her help. But in reality, her behaviour is about her, not you. It sounds like your unhappiness, in a situation so like her own, dramatically brought back her grief and pain.

When we want to offload, we have to take some responsibility. Just because we want to get angry and upset, it doesn't mean that our friends are able to deal with us being this way, especially if they have issues that they are trying to deal with, which we may be ignoring because we are too focused with what's bothering us. While friends can, and should, be there for us when we need their support, often a professional can give us the care we really need to move on. Perhaps if your friend had gone for counselling as well as asking for your help, she might have been able to put her sadness aside and been there for you - and now not feel so guilty about failing you, which I suspect is what the distance is about.

I believe you may benefit from some counselling yourself to help you move forward with this situation. Hopefully, once you start to feel better you'll be able to forgive her and that closeness will return.

The British association of Counselling and Psychotherapy have a directory where you can find a qualified therapist in your area. www.bacp.co.uk 01455 883300
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Morv Moon Launch at The Trafalgar St James

Posted by Young Ladies About Town
Young Ladies About Town
Fiona Hicks has not set their biography yet
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on Thursday, 07 September 2017
by Annette Kellow

When I was told I would be spending the morning relaxing in luxury Morv pyjamas, trying a new facial from 111 Skin whilst sampling breakfast at The Traflagar Hotel St James, my excitement scale was definitely on the higher level.

After all, the newly refurbished Trafalgar St James with its elegant suites and sumptuous furnishings has had excellent online reviews whilst I am a huge fan of anything to do with skincare, fashion and general pampering!

Stepping into the spacious suite I was introduced to the uber glamorous Morvarid Sahafi, the designer and founder of Morv London.

Her new silk satin pyjamas line is a luxury collection available in eight different prints and designs. All styles come with a detachable hood that doubles as an eye mask. Morv got the idea when she was travelling a lot and found the elastic on eye masks often tight and digging in. She also wanted to sleep in comfort whilst keeping the look chic too.

I opted for a pair of polka dot pyjamas which as soon as trying on felt like pure silk on my skin. This teamed with some freshly made fruit granola and relaxing on the king size bed I was in near heaven!

Unknown

All of Morv's designs are made to spread awareness in society, often featuring female empowerment icons such as Joan of Arc and the Suffragettes.

She also uses natural based dyes, ecologically smart fabrics and 5% of her annual profits go to a chosen charity. Not only that but her designs are simply put works of art, her attention to detail and craftsmanship is second to none and her collection is curated with a woman's life in mind.

As well as her elegant pyjamas I also got to see a selection of her dresses. These featured a Harlequin party dress, burgundy velvet pieces as well as a sequinned jacket, perfect for the festive season.

But it didn't stop there! Next I was treated to a Lightfinity Express facial by Alice Jenkins from Harley Streets 111 Skin clinic. It involved a serum infused mask smoothed onto my skin followed by a frame which pulses LED lights to rejuvenate and freshen. This heats up slightly, working into the skin whilst I kept the serum on all day to protect even further.

111 skin also has its own range of products which is developed for sensitive skin, their most well known one called the 'Dramatic Healing Serum.'

All of this in such a wonderfully located hotel, the Trafalgar St James. I could quite see myself reclining on the bed all day in comfortable pyjamas sampling more of the hotels delicacies but alas it was time to leave.

As the famous quote says, 'Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury.' And Morv London is a wonderful combination of the two.
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