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I regret not having children

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 24 June 2016
Dear Patricia Marie,

I was always adamant that I never wanted children. There was no particular reason for this, I was simply not interested. I married a man who felt the same way and we were very happy with just each other, our families and our careers.

However, now I have retired and a lot of Sent from my iPad still works and although we are still happily married, I feel lonely and like there is something missing. I know that it is now too late to have a baby and even if we could, I wouldn't want to be an older mother as I don't feel it would be fair to the child.

I am afraid to talk to my husband about how I feel as I don't want to learn that he feels the same way, or awaken feelings about the situation that he didn't know he had.

I don't know what to do.

Patricia Marie says...

You are not alone in lamenting your decision to miss out on having children. Many women confess that their greatest regret in life is not experiencing motherhood, but although they can indeed be a joy, having children is no guarantee of happiness. Even if you'd had children, they may not have provided you with the companionship you are now yearning. And they can completely destroy spontaneity and flexibility in your life. Many people reach retirement expecting freedom, only to complain about how their grandchildren restrict their free time, and how they are often taken for granted.

It seems to me that you never questioned your childless decision right up to when you retired, and it had not occurred to you to challenge this. It is typical of the newly retired to reflect on what might have been. I believe the heart of your problem is that you are feeling lonely because of your current circumstances. You are spending a lot of time on your own, which you are not used to, your husband is still working, and your family are no longer close by. Regretting the past can badly affect your future, so instead of wasting precious time, you need to start planning what could bring you fulfilment.
Talk to your husband. He may well be thinking the same way as you, which is all the more reason to voice your regrets, so as you can support each other. Even if he has a different view, you will hopefully feel better for opening up and sharing your true feelings.

No one has everything in life, and contentment is about making the best of the choices we have made. Please also trust that you do not need children to live a positive, meaningful life.
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I am unable to satisfy my wife

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 17 June 2016
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am lucky enough to have just moved into our dream home. It's everything we could have imagined and wished for. However, my feelings have changed dramatically since paying the first large mortgage instalment, as it has really stretched my budget. I am working around the clock to try and meet these demands, but unfortunately, this is not the only problem.

My wife loves the new home and enjoys spending a lot of time at the gym getting very fit, and showing our beautiful home off to all her friends. She has become very demanding in the bedroom, and, alongside my financial worries, I am worried that I cannot constantly satisfy her sexually, as I am constantly tired.

Patricia Marie says...

The excitement of moving into your dream home has now been replaced with the reality of having to work hard to pay for it, but if you're not careful, working every hour could ultimately cause you much resentment. Your wife's demands in the bedroom may be her way of trying to get your attention, and your need to please her is clearly putting you under intense pressure. Losing your sex drive is a common symptom of stress, and you are also suffering from fatigue, which can make it very hard to experience the high energy needed to have a healthy and functioning libido.

Have you considered your wife may actually have been concealing from you that she feels upset, even rejected, that you have been isolating her from your worries? Instead of suppressing your feelings, you need to open up to her and tell her how you feel. Hopefully she will be understanding, helpful and supportive. It seems she has much spare time, so I am wondering if there is any way she could take on some form of employment to help contribute to the finances, which would eliminate part of your anxiety. A successful marriage is not just about having good times, but also about dealing with the difficulties life brings, and bonding from such experiences.

If you can both work together on how things can change to make life less stressful, your anxiety should ease, your libido should return, and then hopefully you can both enjoy your relationship in your well deserved new home.
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A Royal Day Out At Ascot

Posted by Young Ladies About Town
Young Ladies About Town
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on Friday, 17 June 2016
YLAT-176Annette KellowOur newest Young Lady About Town, Annette Kellow, enjoys a day at the races...

Hooray it's that time of year again! Royal Ascot season is upon us and it's millinery heaven. Few sporting venues can match the rich heritage and history of Ascot, which over the past 300 years has become an amazing show ground to parade the finest in hats.

Designers such as John Boyd, Philip Treacy and Awon Golding are high on the style sweepstakes whilst in between the champagne quaffing and betting, fashion takes centre stage.

It was my first ever visit to Ascot so I wasn't sure quite what to take with me but really hoped the rain would hold off! Choosing my hat gave me a mild case of the jitters but thankfully Miss Golding came to the rescue. I particularly love that her hats are elegant, feminine with a couture twist and she showed me the best way the hat should sit on the head. The idea is not to obscure the eyes so she placed a pin at the base of the crown so it would not slide forward and still gave free movement.

I decided to get the train to Ascot (you can't beat good old Great Western) and arrived promptly at midday with a parade of bouquets, aptly worn on many ladies heads.

For me the fun was all about people watching. I saw the most amazing creations on stunning women whilst I couldn't wait to check out the catering (yes they even had a cheese on toast stand!)- all washed down with a glass of champagne naturally.


My favourite part of the day was seeing the vintage inspired band The Tootsie Rollers who wore complimentary outfits and Lulu Guinness clutch bags.

I also got chatting to a lovely old timer who'd been coming to the races for many years and gave me tips on who I should bid on- I decided to just watch him spend his money instead!

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He also informed me that Royal Ascot has been a yearly event since 1711, after Queen Anne decided it was the best part of the land to gallop in. It has been a royal haven of delights since and is known as a valuable meeting place with high prize money and the worlds top racehorses on display.

There is of course the wonderful fact that you will be in great company, the queen started the progression by heralding in the Royal carriage. She looked a vision in yellow with matching hat and coat- I can't wait to visit again, what a fantastic day!
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I don't want to be an OAP

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 10 June 2016
Dear Patricia Marie,

I am about to be 60 and I am dreading it. My husband wants to arrange a big party to celebrate it, but I don't want to celebrate being an OAP, and I don't want everyone to know how old I am!

The situation is made worse by the fact my husband is six years younger than me, although, despite his constant 'toyboy' jokes, this has not previously concerned me. My impending six decade birthday makes me feel like there is an entire generation between us. I still feel young inside, even though I'm about to be a pensioner, and I don't want 60th birthday cards, to rub salt into the wound.

Patricia Marie says...

Many women can feel fearful of the changes that their sixth decade may bring. It's important to consider why you are feeling anxious as you approach this particular birthday. Ageing has nothing to do with numbers, and everything to do with attitude - worrying will not change the fact that your 60th is almost upon you, and it could spoil what should be a celebration of a milestone birthday. As we mature, we begin to realise how quickly life passes us by, and having negative thoughts wastes precious days.

The age gap between your husband and you is just 6 years, which is nothing at all. It is not these years, but the way you are feeling that is causing a problem. Instead of taking to heart his comments about him being your 'toy boy', be proud of the fact you are able to attract a younger man, and remind him how fortunate he is to have you in his life. Make him aware of your wishes for your birthday, and rather than having a big party, you may prefer to go away together on a short break, or just have a nice meal at a favourite restaurant.

On reaching 60, you can sit in front of the TV all day and do nothing but think old, or you can get out and live your life. Rather than feel you have to hide your age, can you embrace it? Be inspired - look at Helen Mirren, Alison Steadman and Jane Seymour, who certainly don't create an image of an OAP! Mature years bring increased freedom to explore who we are without outside expectations, so forget about holding on to the past – instead age positively and follow your passions. Perhaps write a list of all the things you have ever wanted to do, and try to achieve as many as you can with enthusiasm. Make it fun, as, after all, you may be 60, but you don't have to act your age!

I recommend Suddenly Sixty and Other Shocks of Later Life, by Judith Viorst, a funny and touching book that speaks directly to the newly sixty woman, inviting her to laugh about, sigh about, and hopefully help her come to terms with the often complex issues of this decade of life.
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Charles Worthington Launch

Posted by Young Ladies About Town
Young Ladies About Town
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on Thursday, 09 June 2016
Young Lady About Town Katrina attended the Charles Worthington product launch this week...

Despite living in London most of my life, I had never been to Fortnum and Mason's before (gasp!). You can imagine my excitement as I approached the decorated doors, greeted by a butler in a red coat who ushered me up to the tea room, where the Charles Worthington product launch was held.

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The set up looked like something out of a palace- gilded tea sets, bright bouquets and waiters in ties adorned the room. Picking a place, I sat down to coffee, orange juice and a selection of miniature pastries and fruit. The Charles Worthington representative broke down the product technology while we munched away, explaining that fragrance was a key element to the Charles Worthington products.

We then had a presentation on the history of shampoo scents, complete with small jars of different shampoo brands from across the market. It was interesting to learn how brands and scents have changed over the ages. For example, L'Oreal was the first brand to create liquid shampoo in 1933, and all shampoos contain an apple note in their scent, as apple makes the user feel clean. The representative explained that Charles Worthington has developed a unique fragrance lock technology that keeps your hair smelling fabulous for 24 hours.

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Ken O'Rouke, Charles Worthington brand ambassador and celebrity hairstylist, then gave a product demonstration on hair models. Their tresses looked amazingly glossy, full and shiny and by that point, I was totally envious and wanted to try them out on my own hair! I left with a goody bag brimming with products, including new Smooth and Control shampoo and Finishing Serum. I can't wait to try and recreate some of the looks!
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