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I am having an affair with my best friend's husband

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 20 November 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,
 
I have done something unforgivable and I feel so bad about it. I am having an affair with my best friend's husband.
 
It started in April and I want to finish it, but he is my soul mate. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I can't stand the worry of my friend finding out. I know she would be devastated if she knew, but I just cant help myself.  I have been on my own for a year or so, and the three of sometimes go out together.  I knew he was keen on me, but it was me who instigated the affair.
 
I love him so very much. Should I just carry on seeing him and act like nothing is happening, or should I tell my friend and ruin our friendship?

Patricia Marie says...

Women do tend to believe they are in love when they have an affair.  Men can be more opportunistic, but women need to feel more emotionally engaged - and the effect can be devastating.

You say this man is your soul mate, but the reality is what sort of man has an affair with his wife's best friend? If he means what he says about wanting to spend the rest of his life with you, why have you not run off into the sunset together?

Many mistresses wait forever for their lovers to leave their wives, and when forever never comes, they are left heartbroken. How do you know your not just a bit of escapism for him - just a bit of fun?  It may not be the first time he's had an affair and promised his mistress the world.

If your friend did find out about the affair, there's every chance your lover would go running back to his wife, and you'd be left with nothing. I urge you to find the strength to end this relationship before this situation becomes destructive. Consider shifting your energy into finding your very own man, rather than waste your time on somebody else's. We can't help who we fall in love with, but everyone is worth more than being someone's mistress.

However, if you two are genuinely in love, then he should do the decent thing and tell his wife, who deserves to know her husband has cheated on her and her best friend has betrayed her.

You need to be sure he's worth it because you are set to lose your best friend forever.



Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.



In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Am I being selfish and unreasonable?

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 06 March 2014
Dear Patricia

My best friend has just had a baby at the age of 46. Both of us have grown up children and have shared so much together.

However, the thoughts of going through the baby years again with her fills me with horror, and would make me feel I would be going backwards, not forwards with our friendship.

I have met up with her a handful of times since she has had her new born and am ashamed to say, I am getting no pleasure from her company and find we now have little, if anything in common.

I try to keep in contact by telephone, but it is becoming increasingly difficult to engage in conversation with her as she is constantly pre-occupied with the baby.

Do you think I am being selfish and unreasonable?

Patricia Marie says...

Friends who are alongside us during our life stages are special to us because we share valuable experiences together, which become a huge part of our memories, and that applies whether we are young carefree students, newly married, and if we have babies, young children or teenagers.

We support each other through all the stress, pain, celebrations and happiness life can bring.
Once your own children grow up, you don't want to be having a meaningful conversation interrupted by a young infant, so I can understand your feelings of frustration and impatience with your friend. However, it seems sad to turn your back on decades of friendship because of this.

Whilst we can feel safe having friends with the same interests and goals, it can also bring some freshness, intrigue and excitement to a friendship when two people have different things going on in their lives.

Could you suggest you and your friend meet when the baby can be looked after? I'm sure your friend will appreciate some quality time out, and appreciate a welcome relief from baby talk, but when she does, compromise and be ready to listen . This will help rebond your special friendship. Also, just think,  one day you may have a grandchild and your friend may be the best possible person to have on call.

Got a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk 
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows


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