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I think my husband is having an affair

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 07 August 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

Please help. I fear that my husband of 15 years marriage is having an affair.

He is spending so many extra hours at work, including weekends, and pays me very little attention when he is at home. He has become very possessive over his mobile phone and bank statements.

One day last week he failed to come home at all. He said he'd spent all night in the office, though I later found a receipt for a hotel and for a meal for two people. When I asked him about this he claimed he'd had dinner with a co-director, but I'm not so sure. I'm still so in love with him, and am scared of losing him. How do I go about confronting him?

Patricia Marie says...

It seems to me after questioning your husband about his whereabouts and the change in his behaviour, you are trusting your instinct rather than believing what he says.

You need to make it clear to your husband that you need to have a proper talk and be honest with each other. Make him aware of how unhappy he is making you feel by the lack of attention he shows you, and the secrecy he displays which is causing you to feel insecure. He may be under the impression you are accepting of this and have no idea of your concerns.

Have you avoided confronting him because you may not want to hear what he has to say, or is it that if he confesses to you that he has met someone else, the situation becomes real?

Until you talk to him about how you are feeling, and open up to him, you won't be able to move forward with this.

Listen to what he has to say, it may be that he's not being disloyal at all. You seem to have drifted apart, which is typical of many relationships when there is no communication. When this happens couples don't recognise each other anymore.

You say you adore him, so whatever the outcome, wherever it has gone wrong, if you both feel the relationship is worth saving you can start to work together towards a more positive future.

I believe you may benefit from some professional help. Ask him to go to Relate with you for some counselling sessions, which could prove helpful (relate.org.uk)


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

What if the men we meet are serial killers?

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 26 June 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

My friend who is single, like me, said she`s hoping to find someone new and suggested we double date.  I thought this was a great idea until she commented that she has been looking on the internet, has already been in touch with some`hopefuls` and wants me to sign up too.

I`m worried about this idea - what if the men we meet are serial killers or married men looking for affairs?

 I dont mean to sound negative and would like to meet a distinguished gentleman, but would appreciate your help and advice before I take the plunge into the unknown.

Patricia Marie says...

Meeting someone on the Internet is no different from meeting them in a bar, or at a party. It's only  when you meet someone through friends, family, or at work that you might have the comfort of knowing their background. But even then you can't be sure the person you meet is genuine.

Try not to be so fearful of internet dating, it has many advantages. It can be exciting to get an email saying you've had 20 views. Of course you may not be attracted to all, if any, of them, but it encourages you to keep going, thinking there could be someone better next time. And of course, you can view potential dates from the comfort of your own home.

However, there is striking evidence to suggest the web is causing social change. Traditionally women might have had one or two boyfriends before getting married; now they are encouraged to date lots of people in a quest to find a perfect partner.

The way to protect yourself is to be wise, and recognise the safety rules. As your friend has suggested, for the first few meetings you could double date in a public place. Don't go to the mens houses or invite them to yours until you know a lot more about anyone you meet and can verify what they tell you. Never leave a drink unattended or allow yourselves to be separated, and  ensure you go home at the end of the night together.

And finally, trust your instinct - if one or both of them feel at all suspect, withdraw.  Be sensible and you could find Prince Charming is a mouse click away.


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows


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