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I don't want to live any more

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 27 May 2016
Dear Patricia Marie,
I don't know how to deal with my emotions. I am a 55 year old woman, and have been with my partner for 3 years now. My son has left home, so I live on my own, seeing my partner at weekends. I am very active, and have a full time job, but just keep feeling deep bouts of hopelessness and considering suicide. Sometimes I just think everyone will be better off without me. It seems everything I do I get wrong. Friends are never there for me, and just keep their distance if they see I am down. They only want me around when I am happy or can do something for them. My partner gets very irritated if I get upset, and if I try to explain my feelings he tells me I am just going on about it, and to leave it. I want to give up, close myself off, curl up in a ball and sleep forever so it doesn't hurt any more.

I don't want to go on anti-depressants, or sit explaining my patheticness to a counsellor, so I really don't know how things will ever improve. Unless I just kill myself, which seems the best solution, then no-one has to be bothered by me anymore.

Patricia Marie says...

Being suicidal can feel like an everlasting trap, and you may believe that no matter what you do, or how hard you try, you will never get better. The majority of people who contemplate taking their own lives do not actually want to die; they want to be free of the emotional pain, and live a different life to the one they have. You are not pathetic for feeling as you do - you are depressed. Stop blaming yourself right now. Depression is an illness, and, like any debilitating condition, needs treatment.

Family and friends don't always understand the severity of depression, unless they have themselves experienced it, and can't offer what you need, so it's helpful to seek out people who can. Getting professional help is vital. I truly believe you would benefit from group counselling. I frequently suggest this form of therapy, as many people feel much better understood when they meet others in similar situations to their own. If you contact MIND, they can organise this, as well as providing ongoing support and advice for you at this difficult time. I would also like you to consider discussing a treatment plan with your GP, as it may be that a small amount of medication could make a huge difference to the way you are feeling. In addition, when you feel suicidal, please pick up the phone and contact The Samaritans. They offer excellent support at times of distress and hopelessness.

Once you receive the help you deserve, you will hopefully feel strong enough to start focusing your energy on you, not on others. It may be that your relationships need work, for you to eliminate any negativity around you, but for now, your own wellbeing is priority. To lift your mood, you must allow yourself 'me' time - go for some nice walks, breathe in the fresh air, look at the beauty around you, eat well, meditate, and ensure you get plenty of sleep. It is so much easier to face the world when you aren't tired – emotionally or physically.

We are all totally unique, and as such until your last breath your contribution to this world is essential. Death has little to offer when you compare it to the countless possibilities of life. You will hopefully soon see that yours is very much worth living, and that the darkness you are experiencing now will soon be replaced by much brightness.

MIND 0300 123 3393
Samaritans 116 123

I hate my appearance

Posted by Patricia_Marie
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on Friday, 07 November 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,
I am writing to you because I don't know where to turn.  I hate the way I look.
I have a dreadful birthmark across one side of my face and also a misshapen nose.  I feel like everybody stares at me and laughs, even though I try and turn away and never look directly at people as I can't stand the shock I see in their faces when they look at me.
I was born with this, and I know by now at the age of 41 I should have learnt how to deal with it, but I haven't.  I have become so introverted, and hate ever going out, and at times feel suicidal.  I don't have the money for cosmetic surgery, and make up doesn't seem to make much difference.  I only have one close friend, and of course she tells me to take no notice and that I am lovely inside, but I just can't bear it.
Is there anything that you could suggest?

Patricia Marie says...

In a world obsessed by perfection, those living with facial disfigurements often find this a struggle. One of the biggest problems people with birthmarks experience are psychological, including low self-esteem and crippling shyness.

It's all about how you choose to see yourself. Your friend means well when she says you're lovely on the inside, but everyone is unique and beautiful on the outside too - although many have difficulty accepting themselves in this way. Nevertheless, there are those who feel their flaws define them and would feel neither the same or complete without their familiar blemish.

I am wondering what is happening in your life at this present time for your imperfections to have become of such significance and so problematic to you? I believe you could benefit from having some counselling, which may help you begin to learn to love yourself because of your uniqueness, and not in spite of it.

Furthermore, because your feeling seriously depressed, I would suggest an urgent chat with your G.P, who could consider referring you to a cosmetic surgeon through the NHS. Whilst you feel surgery may be the answer for you, I would still recommend you consider all options before making such an important decision.

The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy have a directory where you can find a qualified registered therapist in your area.

The Birthmark Support Group is a fantastic organisation that offers support for anyone with a birthmark. 

Have a dilemma? Please email  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

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