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My friend has stolen my baby names

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 09 October 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

My best friend and I are both expecting our first born babies, due in November. I told her the name choices I wanted for my baby many weeks ago, and to my horror she has now informed me that she is going to use them herself. I am furious and instead of enjoying our time being pregnant together, I cannot even face seeing her at the moment. How best should I handle this sensitive situation?

Patricia Marie says...

I would never advise upsetting anyone in the final stages of pregnancy, therefore, if you really do find it difficult to let go and need to confront your friend, do so very gently.  Explain how upset and hurt you are and that you trusted her by disclosing such significant personal information. Clearing the air can sometimes ease the tension. Then move on - try to change your negative thoughts to more positive ones. Think of your friend wanting your name choice as a huge compliment. That's a huge vote of confidence to you and your taste. Start to look forward to sharing the precious moments motherhood brings, as well as embracing the support and guidance you can receive from each other once those 'bundles of fun' arrive.

If you really love the name and want to keep it, it really doesn't matter who has used the name or who will in the future. You'll always remember why you chose the name and what it means to you. Finally, take comfort in the fact that anyone who has the creativity to come up with one great name, has the ability to come up with another, and you may just surprise yourself and actually prefer the new name - just make sure to keep that one a secret!


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows



I think my husband is having an affair

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
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on Thursday, 07 August 2014
Dear Patricia Marie

Please help. I fear that my husband of 15 years marriage is having an affair.

He is spending so many extra hours at work, including weekends, and pays me very little attention when he is at home. He has become very possessive over his mobile phone and bank statements.

One day last week he failed to come home at all. He said he'd spent all night in the office, though I later found a receipt for a hotel and for a meal for two people. When I asked him about this he claimed he'd had dinner with a co-director, but I'm not so sure. I'm still so in love with him, and am scared of losing him. How do I go about confronting him?

Patricia Marie says...

It seems to me after questioning your husband about his whereabouts and the change in his behaviour, you are trusting your instinct rather than believing what he says.

You need to make it clear to your husband that you need to have a proper talk and be honest with each other. Make him aware of how unhappy he is making you feel by the lack of attention he shows you, and the secrecy he displays which is causing you to feel insecure. He may be under the impression you are accepting of this and have no idea of your concerns.

Have you avoided confronting him because you may not want to hear what he has to say, or is it that if he confesses to you that he has met someone else, the situation becomes real?

Until you talk to him about how you are feeling, and open up to him, you won't be able to move forward with this.

Listen to what he has to say, it may be that he's not being disloyal at all. You seem to have drifted apart, which is typical of many relationships when there is no communication. When this happens couples don't recognise each other anymore.

You say you adore him, so whatever the outcome, wherever it has gone wrong, if you both feel the relationship is worth saving you can start to work together towards a more positive future.

I believe you may benefit from some professional help. Ask him to go to Relate with you for some counselling sessions, which could prove helpful (relate.org.uk)


Have a dilemma? Please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk  Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.


In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows

Devastated by his affair

Posted by Patricia_Marie
Patricia_Marie
Guest has not set their biography yet
User is currently offline
on Thursday, 10 April 2014
Dear Patricia Marie,

Three months ago I discovered my partner was having an affair - I was devastated. I adored him and thought he felt the same way. He even brought her to our house, though he denies this. I went to see her. She has a long-term partner, but he is completely clueless about the affair - maybe I should tell him. She cried, apologised and said that I was lovely and nothing like my partner had told her, and that he didn't deserve me.

He had been running me down to her and our friends. I don't know which way to turn: there is still love there, but it's not the same. I now check his his phone and e.mails- there is no trust left.

He gets annoyed with me and says I should be 'over it ' and it was a big mistake.

We are both in our 50s and left our long term marriages for each other. I can't face having to sell our house and start again. We are talking about getting married, but would it be marriage for the wrong reason?

Patricia Marie says...

If the person you love has an affair and falls in love with someone else, your world falls apart. Everything you thought you felt and shared with each other is thrown into question, even if they end the affair and say they still love and want to be with you. Alternatively, if they say their lover meant little to them and dismiss them as just a passing fancy, that can be equally devastating. They have put the relationship at risk for some meaningless pleasure. On top of this, he was running you down. It sounds as if he does not love you as much as you love him.

You only discovered his infidelity three months ago, so its quite unreasonable to think you should 'just get over it'. Trust can sometimes be rebuilt, although never easy to regain completely.

He needs to talk about why he had the affair, and show you that he really loves you and sorry for what he's done. If he has a history of affairs, the risks are high and it may be better to end the relationship. If you do decide to marry, it should be because you really want to be with him and he feels the same way, not because you can't face selling up and starting again.



Got a dilemma, please email Patricia.Marie@lady.co.uk 
Please note, while Patricia cannot respond to all emails, she does read them all.

In need of further support? Patricia Marie offers a counselling service in Harley Street, contact details as follows


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