Decree Nicey

London’s first ever divorce fair took place this month. Jessica Jonzen paid a visit and found exhibitors offering everything from online dating services to yoga and meditation

Walking into the Hilton Metropole Hotel in London on a sunny March morning, you’d think you were arriving at any other trade fair. There were bright banners, gift bags, exhibitors offering chocolates and cups of coffee to tempt you to stop for a chat. A photographer had set up a makeshift studio and was clicking away at his subjects; a cosmetic dentist offered his services to provide you with a ‘gorgeous smile’. But a stand with ‘www.divorce-online.co.uk’ emblazoned on it suggests that this is no ordinary trade show. Punters wander from stall to stall. Shall it be the The Divorce Support Group next? Perhaps I’ll go and listen to a motivational speaker (‘No more “if onlys”’). Or maybe even visit The Mystic Housewife psychic therapist?

This is London’s first ever divorce fair – the Starting Over Show. Suzy Miller, the event’s founder, ran the first one last year at a hotel in Brighton and it was such a success that she decided to run it again on a larger scale, with events in both Brighton and the capital. ‘I’d read about divorce fairs in Europe and heard that they had things like DNA testers and private investigators. I thought it was a waste of a potentially great resource. Having been through the break-up of a 10-year relationship, I knew how devastating it is and how lonely it can be. So I took a huge risk and decided to set up my own show.’

Much has been made about the sprouting of industry that has grown up from the UK’s divorce rate – now almost half of all marriages end in the courts and one in five of those break-ups involves people going through it for a second time. Where once divorce was associated with feelings of pity, shame and humiliation now divorcees are encouraged to ‘celebrate their freedom’ by the legion of break-up businesses that have mushroomed in the past year or so.

Party planners across the country seem to be positively salivating at the business possibilities that the demise of a marriage can now offer. On www.divorcepartyuk.co.uk, services for the recently divorced include themed parties (choose from a Seventies, Caribbean or Moulin Rouge experience), networking events and even holidays. They also sell ‘divorce accessories’, including a ‘Just Divorced’ babygrow and ‘Free Again’ ties and aprons. Likewise, www.partybox.co.uk offers the sort of accessories usually offered for hen parties – flashing ‘Just Divorced’ L-plates, sashes and badges – there’s even a ball and chain. And a party isn’t a party without a cake. Fay Millar, who runs Pink Rose Cakes in Brighton, East Sussex has been inundated with enquiries about her divorce confections – the most popular design mimics a traditional wedding cake but the model bride is pushing the groom off the top. At www.weddingringcoffin.com, you can buy a miniature casket for your wedding band and ‘give a dead marriage its proper, final resting place.’ When Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood left his wife Jo last year after 23 years of marriage, she was sent one by a well-wisher. ‘When I opened it, I thought, “how fabulous!” I did a little ceremony and in the ring went,’ she said.

Back at the Starting Over Show, I see that none of these products and services is on offer. Suzy Miller tells me that GMTV turned up to film the event. ‘Apparently they’re upset that there are no divorce cakes, no divorce parties, no coffins that you can put your wedding ring in. The press seems to just want to show this nasty side – it generates interest but I don’t think any of those companies actually get much business.’ I tell her that I was expecting to see these things myself. ‘Other divorce fairs in Europe have private detectives – we don’t offer that. When I was called by someone who made divorce cakes and wanted to exhibit at the show I said, “I’d love you to be at the show if you have starting over, positive, celebration cakes but I don’t want anything making light of divorce.”’ They decided not to exhibit. Instead, Miller has exhibitors providing everything from online dating services to family mediation via lifestyle coaching and teeth-whitening services. There’s even a yoga and meditation area.

At the end of the show, there’s a ‘letting go’ ceremony where punters and exhibitors can attach their wishes for the future to a huge balloon which is released while a non-denominational minister gives a sermon. It’s all rather new age but overall, the feeling is of positivity and responsibility rather than gleeful celebration. There is evidently a demand for these services, but isn’t it just a cynical way of businesses cashing in on a sad event? In January, the department store Debenhams launched its Divorce Gift List Service – the break-up version of a wedding list. It was widely rounded upon by the press, with the columnist and agony aunt Virginia Ironside writing ‘to give a divorce present is like celebrating a miscarriage.’ Debenhams was unrepentant. Peter Moore, its Head of Retail Services said ‘divorcing can be an expensive time and registering for a Divorce Gift List means that family and friends can help the newly separated begin their new life.’ Ruth Attridge, the company’s spokesman tells me: ‘We have had a lot of interest in the service, both from the public and press. There have also been a number of people taking up the service with items like furniture and TVs featuring most commonly.’ What does Miller make of critics that may say she’s cashing in in the same way? ‘That’s like saying to a doctor, “you’re making money out of people’s misery by healing wounds”. A lot of the people here today are like doctors in many ways, because they’re helping people through the worst thing they’ve ever been through. That’s the difference. If you go to another show, you’re either buying products or you’re treated like a victim.’

Miller’s own 10-year relationship broke up in 2003, leaving her as a single parent to three children, Cyd, now 13, Joe, 11, and Henry, eight. Her daughter Cyd is helping out at the show, manning the ‘Break-up right – please don’t fight’ stand. Mother and daughter are creating a petition aimed at the Government and politicians, to reassess and change the UK divorce laws to make break-ups less acrimonious. Recent statistics say that 10% of children in the UK demonstrate suicidal tendencies when their parents are breaking up.

She is a great advocate of collaborative law and mediation, where each side’s lawyers cooperate with one another to reach a mutually beneficial agreement, while avoiding more conflict. She and her ex are now on good terms and even live in the same village in East Sussex. Many of the services on offer at the show Miller benefitted from herself, like life coaching. ‘It’s better than therapy, which doesn’t help you look to the future,’ she says.

Mayfair-based photographer Scott Col-lier is offering photo shoots to punters at the show. ‘I’m a wedding photographer, but last year I decided I had a market as a divorce photographer, too. The idea came from all the slightly awkward weddings I’d photographed where the parents of the bride hadn’t spoken to each other for 20 years.’ He has photographed divorced couples along with their new partners and all their children. Is it ever awkward? ‘Never as awkward as those weddings,’ he says. So does this show, and this new burgeoning ‘misery industry’ mark the death knell for marriage? ‘No, it just acknowledges that break-ups happen,’ says Miller. ‘It shows that you can get through it and come out the other side with dignity.’

THE NEXT STARTING OVER SHOW will be held on 28 March at the Hilton Hotel in Brighton. For details call 07525-059634 or visit www.startingovershow.co.uk.