Friday, 28 October 2016

The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 28 October

The Lady’s lovable new office dog tells all

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle
Today I learned a new life lesson: try not to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And if you are, try not to get photographed. There was a bit of an accident this evening with the editor’s husband’s favourite chair and the finger seems to have been pointed at me. The truth is that it was Duffle’s fault. True, he was struggling to get away from me (again) and leapt over the back of the chair. He is a very naughty boy, but also very clever, because as soon as they heard the sound of the back snapping off, he had already darted out of the room. Apparently it is a vintage Eames chair and I will now have to give up all my spending money to pay for the repairs. And so far Duffle is showing no sign of putting his paw up.

This will be my first Halloween and I’m not sure what to expect, except that I have never wanted to dress up as a spider or a pumpkin. As for being a ghost, what would be the point, unless I am supposed to be frightening people’s shoes?

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Since I was told that I was no longer a lady who lunched, because I was getting too tubby around the tummy, I have been on constant lookout for sneaky snacks. I can’t help myself, I am starving. Some days I can think of nothing but food. Lulu Guinness Knows this and has been keeping a steely eye on her food bowl, but today I made a sneaky bid for it – and lost. I was only nanoseconds into her supper rations when she spotted me, threw herself down the stairs and landed on my back. Despite crying for mercy, she dug in, biting my tail for good measure. Lulu does not like sharing and she really doesn’t like me.

I had to have a day off work sick today, or, as the editor said, another day off work. What does she expect? I can barely walk properly after yesterday’s mauling and I’m too terrified even to go near the stairs as I know that Lulu Guinness is just poised, ready to push me down them. When I was even smaller, she used to do that as a bit of ‘fun’ and she seems to have rediscovered this little treat to herself.

Duffle still hasn’t confessed to breaking the chair and shows no sign of helping me out from under the cloud of suspicion. But I am determined to have the last word. The designers, Lee and Lorna, have been teaching me the art of photoshopping. He might think that he wasn’t caught in the act, but after some judicious editing, I think he may find he is mistaken. It may take me a little while but eventually I will get my revenge. Beating up Lulu Guinness might be trickier.

See you next week Instagram @missdarcybustle

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