Friday, 11 November 2016

The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 11 November

The Lady's lovable new office dog tells all

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle
Monday
I never knew that dogs were supposed to clean their teeth. As my mummy died in childbirth, I missed out on some of those basic details, and even though I had lots of cuddles when I was a little puppy, nobody explained the small issue of dental hygiene. Although I like to think I am quite good at keeping myself clean and tidy, the other day our staff writer, Melonie, told me that my breath ponged. Can you even say that to a work colleague?

Tuesday
Lyra the labrador has taken my love-life problems to heart and has written to say that I should forget about Harold the long-haired dachshund, suggesting that Harold needs to have a long hard look at himself. Why can’t he go on a date without being carried all the way back? I think she has a point. I need someone more active, I told her – Lyra loves to email when we both should be working. Lyra says that’s where I’m wrong. You just need a boyfriend who is a pet, she said. A soft, cuddly one who doesn’t do anything but look at you adoringly, because they can’t do anything else – because they are a picture printed on a cushion. So she sent me Alan. He is plump and silky and just the thing for cuddling up to on the chaise longue on a cold afternoon when no one is looking.

Wednesday
Last night our Modern Manners correspondent and royal expert, Thomas Blaikie, took the editor to the premiere of The Crown, the new Netflix glossy blockbuster, out in time for Christmas. They got to see the first two episodes, about the early years of Her Majesty’s reign. I adore the Queen and was desperate to go, but Thomas said that no dogs were allowed. Clearly, that rule didn’t apply to the corgi I saw grinning from the red carpet in the newspaper this morning. But then, as Thomas said, Susan, the Queen’s first corgi, went on honeymoon with her, so there are dogs and there are corgis and I should just accept the natural order of things.

iStock 5521746 LARGEPass the Tipp-Ex

Thursday
Since becoming a trainee journalist at The Lady I have desperately been trying to improve my writing skills, they aren’t the best and I do sometimes get in a pickle. I also use the spell check too much, which can get you into trouble. Last week, for instance, instead of writing about Ruff and Tumble, the Norfolk company who made my lovely drying robe, I ended up with Rough and Tumble. It got me a black mark and a treats ban.

Friday 
This morning I spent a very productive two hours heavily researching the purple slipper in Kath’s office downstairs. It was a project I started when I first joined, but I have let it slip. But now I really feel I am getting to the bottom of it and soon will be able to write the Definitive Guide To Purple Fluffy Slippers.

See you next week
Instagram @missdarcybustle


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