Friday, 02 December 2016

The Diary of Miss Darcy Bustle: 2 December

The Lady’s lovable new office dog tells all

Written by Miss Darcy Bustle
A recent survey said that 55 per cent of people go in to work even when they are feeling unwell and soldier on with some herbal remedies, but I’m afraid I’m in the 45 per cent. I’ve been poorly for two weeks and I’m only just back at my miniature-sized keyboard. It doesn’t help that my little chest is so close to the pavement that I’m always getting cold. Kath says she has tried knitting me a jumper but she can’t get the neck right. The editor says that perhaps I need to get more exercise and eat more greens. Why would I do that? I’m a dog. We just want to eat juicy bits of meat – with gravy, preferably.

Today, Louis, our radio critic, came in to have what he called a tête-à-tête, but really I think he just wanted a cuddle. He was down in London for a meeting, he said, and wanted to pass on a request from Lyttleton, his half Jack Russell half Cavalier King Charles, and Jessie the Beagle. Would I be free for a Christmas get-together before the end of the year? How exciting. I’d love that, but will I be well enough? I have a really bad cough. Louis says that I am a delicate flower and perhaps I need to move away from the city and all the smog. ‘You are at chest height to the exhaust fumes, imagine what that’s doing to your insides,’ he said.

with-louisTête-à-tête with Louis

This morning I had to go and see Dale the vet as I have been coughing all night. It seems I have kennel cough, which, considering I have never been to a kennel, is a bit confusing. He gave me a jab (ouch) to sedate me as there is a chance that I could cough so much I could break a rib. He wanted to know why I wasn’t wearing a winter coat. ‘Things could get very serious,’ I heard him whisper to the editor. Needless to say, I am not in the office today.

I have been coughing all night again and feeling unwell – despite being able to sleep on Lulu Guinness’s electric warming blanket (she’s not happy about it). I had to go back to see Dale and he sighed, loudly, and demanded to know, again, why I didn’t have a coat. The editor looked very shamefaced and said finances were tough, we were waiting for Black Friday. Dale said that I wasn’t allowed to go out in the cold any more until ‘coatgate’ had been resolved.

Black Friday has arrived and Melonie, our staff writer, has called from her holiday in Leigh-on-Sea, she has managed to buy a coat at less than half price. And not just any coat, but a parka, with a detachable hood and a fleecy lining. ‘They’re very popular with the Big Issue dogs,’ said the man in the shop. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

See you next week, hopefully! Instagram @missdarcybustle

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