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Wednesday, 30 November -0001

CAT on MATT: 14 September

This week, Eric wonders if dogs dream – before recalling a rather colourful dream of his own

Written by Eric
Do dogs dream? Unlikely. They can barely engage their brains when they're awake, let alone when they're asleep, snoring and grunting and drooling like Coco on that smelly cushion in The Man's Boudoir. To use a clever motoring analogy, it's like their body's the car, and their brain's the engine – and the clutch has gone.

Still, that's the question asked by an article in this week's magazine, and I can't wait to read it – and then swiftly pen an angry letter of complaint.

I had a dream once. I can't remember if I told you about it. I was on the cover of The Lady, looking all groomed and glossy. It sold by the van load. It won awards. I was offered a contract by Whiskas, and that company that makes the litter that doesn't smell when you poop on it. I became rich. A top cat.

But then I woke up. The Man was there, as usual, as was his Kitten, who is now bigger and louder than ever, and the bowl of biscuits that taste slightly of fish. It was all terribly disappointing. And worse still, when I finally ventured into the front room and found a copy of The Lady – I wasn't on it. Someone called The Queen was. I mean, really? When is this magazine going to get its priorities right?

Miaow for now!



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